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KAWAWANG BECKY` email from RYAN

KAWAWANG BAKLA
by John "Sweet" Lapuz

Si Carol Dauden, na isang magaling aktres, at si Aiza Seguera, na mahusay na mang-aawit, ay umamin na-sila ay mga tomboy. Mukha naman silang masaya sa kanilang pag-amin. Mas naging malaya sila. Natanggap naman sila ng mga pamilya nila at mga kaibigan. Pero bakit ang mga bakla sa showbiz, isang damukal ang ayaw umamin. Yung iba, tumanda na, at yung iba naman, namatay na pero hindi umamin. Namatay nang nagtatago. Namatay nang hindi malaya. Kawawang bakla.

Sabi ng mga kaibigan kong tomboy, minsan daw, nakaka-get sila ng babaeng makaka-s*x nang hindi nila binabayaran. Para ding mga straight guys na minsan talk show lang at isang bote ng beer, confirmed na! Yung mga baklang mukhang babae at maganda, siguro nakaka-get ng libre, pero prangkahan na, yung iba hindi. Kahit mayaman ang bakla or sikat at powerful, pay pa din. Yung iba, hindi cash. Minsan, career or trabaho. Minsan, damit or rubber shoes. Basta, may kapalit pa rin. May mga kaibigan akong nagmamaganda. Mahal daw sila ng kanilang mga straight boyfriends. I asked them, "Try niyo nga huwag bigyan 'yan ng allowance or work, tignan ko lang kung boyfriend mo pa 'yan." Ayaw naman nila i-try. Kawawang bakla.

Ang dami kong kilalang tomboy na ang girlfriend babaeng totoo 'tapos tumagal ang relasyon. Sa mga bakla, ang tumatagal lang yung bakla sa baklang relasyon. Kawawang bakla.

Lima na ang kakilala kong baklang pinatay. Yung dalawa, ka-close ko pa. Nagkaroon tuloy ng chismis na baka may gay serial killer. Pero tomboy, walang masyadong pinapatay. Naisip ko, itong mga gay killers, they know na kaya nilang patayin ang mga kawawang bakla na biktima nila. Honestly, minsan naisip ko, kung meron kayang bakla na serial killer naman ng mga lalaki? Bongga, di ba? Pero mga salbahe lang ang pinapatay niya. Kaya lang 'pag nahuli, kawawang bakla.

Parang boring ang kumalat na picture ng Mocha girls na naghahalikan. Pero kung member ng all-male group ang may kumalat na picture na naglalaplapan, kahit biruan lang din tulad ng sa Mocha, I'm sure-manicure- pedicure- kulot, hanggang next year ay headline 'yon. Pagchi-chismisan sa beauty parlor, palengke, school, opisina, prisinto, at sa batis habang naglalaba. Kasi recently ko lang nalaman, na 'pag dalawang babae pala ang naghalikan, natuturn-on ang mga lalaki. Pero 'pag dalawang lalaki ang naghalikan, hindi naman natuturn-on ang mga babae, worst, nandidiri sila. Biased, di ba? Kawawang bakla.

Pag ang mga lalaki nambabae, sasabihin "macho." Pero pag namakla, "kadiri." Kawawang bakla.

Pag ang bakla mukhang babae, maganda. Pero ang babae pag mukang bakla, pangit. Hahaha. Kawawang bakla.

Eto, talagang totoo. Pag ang baklang pa-girl malaki ang nota, alaskado siya sa mga kaibigan niyang bakla. Ang tomboy na pamin pag matambok ang pechay, kaiinggitan ng mga kaibigan niyang tomboy. Suwerteng tomboy, kawawang bakla.

Ang dami kong kaibigang Filipino-Chinese na tomboy at accepted ng family nila. Ang dami kong kaibigang Filipino-Chinese na tagong bakla. Yung iba umamin na lang noong patay na ang tatay nila. Kawawang bakla.

Pag may dumaan na bakla, sumisigaw ang mga batang kalye ng, "Bakla! Bakla!" Pero parang hindi pa ako nakarinig na sumigaw sila ng, "Tomboy! Tomboy!" Kawawang bakla.
Ang mga baklang nakadamit-babae, posibleng mabastos pag pumasok sa C.R. ng boys. Pag ang tomboy pumasok sa C.R. ng girls, okay lang na nakadamit-lalaki. Hindi kaya dahil lalaki lang ang nambabastos? Kawawang bakla.

Nabanggit ko na ito dati. Ang dami kong nakikitang tomboy na may ka-holding hands na babae. May nakita na ba kayong baklang hinolding hands ng boyfriend niya? In public, ha. Kawawang bakla.

Yung isang kaibigan kong tomboy, tuwang-tuwa daw ang tatay niyang sundalo nang malamang tomboy siya. Yung kaibigan kong bakla, binugbog ng tatay na sundalo nang malamang bakla. Kaloka. Kawawang bakla.

Pag ang anak na lalaki or babae masama ang ugali, ang tawag "black sheep." Pag bakla ang anak na masama ang ugali, ang tawag "salot." May kaibigan nga ako na mabait naman, salot pa din ang turing ng pamilya. Maryosep, kawawang bakla.

Kadalasan ang lalaki, kapag nakikipag-break sa girlfriend nila, kasi may ibang babae. Kapag ang lalaki, nakikipag-break sa bakla, kasi may ibang bakla or babae. Heto ang kakaiba, may kaibigan akong bakla, iniwan siya ng jowa niya kasi nag-born again. Ang say ni bakla, "Anong palagay niya sa akin, demonyo?" Kawawang bakla.

Naging malaking issue nang tawagin ni Joey de Leon na "mukhang aswang" si Pokwang. Dahil siguro magkatapat sila ng show. Sabi ni Willie Revillame, kawawa naman daw ang anak ni Pokwang kasi tinutukso sa school. Naisip ko lang, kung bakla ang co-host sa Wowowee at sinabihang "mukhang aswang" ni Joey, masasabi rin kaya ni Willie na kawawa naman ang mga pamangkin ni bakla kasi tinutukso sa school? Ano sa sa plagay niyo? Sana naman...Kasi 'pag hindi, kawawa si bakla.

May mga artistang babae at lalaki na pangit na, wala pang laman ang utak. Itsura pa lang kasi, nakakatawa na. Ang mga baklang pangit, kailangan medyo witty at matalino. Kung hindi, kawawa kang bakla ka.

Ang batang lalaki 'pag kumikendeng, sasabihin "bakla paglaki." 'Pag ang batang babae, macho kumilos, sasabihin ay "boyish" lang. Kawawang baklita.

Ang mga babae tuwang-tuwa 'pag pumupunta sa gay bar. Ang mga bakla, kawawa sa pandidiri 'pag pumunta sa girlie bar. Sure ako diyan. Sinama ako dati ng mga kaibigan kong lalaki, awang-awa ako sa sarili ko. Huhuhu.

Nakakatawa pero nakakasad yung joke na ito (buti na lang joke):

PARI: Ang mga bakla ay hindi makakapasok sa langit.

BAKLA: Ok lang 'yon Father. Doon na lang kami sa Rainbow, magslide-slide.

Which made me think. Ang mga bakla lang ang makakaisip ng ganoon. Hindi na papasukin sa langit pero nakuha pang mag-taray at lumigaya sa pag-slide sa rainbow.

Dito sa Pilipinas, sa Quezon City na lang, tabi-tabi ang gay bar. Lesbian bar, may nakita ka na?

Alam niyo ba na may mga spa at massage parlor na para lang sa mga bakla? Bongga!

Walang baklang istambay. As in pang lalaki lang ang word na 'yan. Yun nga lang, may baklang pusher at bugaw pero may trabaho pa din. Bihira ang baklang holdaper. Yung kumukuha na lang ng hindi kanila. May na-meet na akong baklang snatcher at akyat-bahay, at least, nag-effort muna sa pagtakbo at pag-akyat. Hahaha.

Ang word na "pink peso" ay dedicated daw sa pera na kinikita at ginagastos ng mga bakla.
Madami daw bakla sa call center na pinapayagang mag-boses babae kasi boses babae talaga. I doubt kung madaming tomboy ang boses lalaki. Aminin.

May kaibigan akong tomboy na nag-commit ng suicide after iwan ng girlfriend. Ang mga bakla 'pag iniwan ng jowa, mababaliw lang-iiyak...mag-e-emote...magkukulong sa kwarto...magluluto...magpapa-parlor...'tapos may jowa na ulit. Taray! I should know.

Mas madaming bakla ang nanalo sa mga make-up at hair style competition. Oo naman.
Ang mga bakla, may taste. Pag sinabi naming pangit, pangit talaga 'yon. Pero pag sinabi naming maganda, ay maganda talaga 'yon. May kaibigan akong lalaki. May pina-date sa akin na barkada daw niyang guwapo. Sa barkada nila, 'yon daw ang pinaka-guwapo. Nang makita ko, ang naisip ko lang, "Diyos ko po! Ano pa itsura ng pangit sa barkada nila?" May barkada naman akong babae. Pinakilala sa akin yung manliligaw niya. Super guwapo daw. Pucha, pagkakita ko, napa-C.R. ako.

Ang mga bakla, masaya kasama. Maingay, nakakatawa at hindi boring.



Come to think of it. Hindi rin pala kami masyadong kawawa. Mga bakla, tara na sa Rainbow at mag-slide-slide in this particular order:

RED- Mga baklang pa-girl, operada at mukhang babae. Go, mga sisters!

ORANGE- Mga batang bakla. Slide na, mga anak!

GREEN- Mga paminta, mukhang lalaki, members ng guys4men.com. Slide na, mga pare!

YELLOW- Mga baklang may asawa at anak. You deserved to be happy. Slide na!

VIOLET- Mga baklang bisexual, dito kayo kasi alanganing red, alanganing blue. Go!

INDIGO- Mga baklang Diva at Mama. Halina mga sisters. Mama Ricky, kapit lang po mabuti. Sunod na po ako in a while.

BLUE- Mga baklang tago at ayaw umamin, dito kayo. Kahit hindi kayo umaamin, may karapatan din kayong mag-slide sa rainbow natin. Ingat lang sa pagtili at baka mabuking. Diyan kayo sa dulo para hindi mahalata ng bayan na nakikipaglaro kayo sa amin. Don't worry, we understand. Alam ko, kawawa din kayo. Sssshhhh....




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ANOTHER FUNNY ONE

Alternate
Fairy-Tale Endings
to Take the Place of
"And they lived
happily ever
after."

BY SABRINA ABBOTT

- - - -

And they barely tolerated each other.

And they stayed together because of the kids.

And their contempt for one another occasionally spilled over at family gatherings, prompting moments of uncomfortable silence.

And they expressed their unhappiness through passive-aggressive toilet-seat positioning.




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THE MAN WHO CAN'T BE MOVED LYRICS

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.


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THIS IS REALLY FUNNY!

The Seven Laws of
Higher Self-Esteem.

BY WYNN QUON

- - - -

1. High esteem is like a potato. Peel it and fry it in some butter.

2. It's too late for you to be the first person on the moon, but it's not too late for you to complain about it.

3. Remember the rules of electricity: positive attracts negative. So be negative to attract the positive. Also, negative repels negative. Double win!

4. Use the Internet more, because the Internet is not going to use itself.

5. Think of some possession you're grateful for. Is it food? Is it TV? OK, I give up.

6. You can't change people. They have to change themselves. Just like babies.

7. One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. One man's meat is another man's poison. Add it up and you get one big poisonous-meat-terrorist freedom fighter.




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NIGHTS IN RODANTHE BASED ON THE BEST SELLING NOVEL BY NICHOLAS SPARKS

~ I'm a big fan of Nicholas Sparks that's why I'm so excited to watch this movie!




Nights in Rodanthe Official Synopsis

Lane stars as Adrienne Willis, a woman with her life in chaos who retreats to the tiny coastal town of Rodanthe, in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, to tend to a friend’s inn for the weekend. Here she hopes to find the tranquility she so desperately needs to rethink the conflicts surrounding her — a wayward husband who has asked to come home, and a teenaged daughter who resents her every decision. Almost as soon as Adrienne gets to Rodanthe, a major storm is forecast and a guest named Dr. Paul Flanner (Gere) arrives. The only guest at the inn, Flanner is not on a weekend escape but rather is there to face his own crisis of conscience. Now, with the storm closing in, the two turn to each other for comfort and, in one magical weekend, set in motion a life-changing romance that will resonate throughout the rest of their lives.

Source: Warner Bros Pictures

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Persistent Rain Lyrics

How can I move on? Make my life go on
And forget the mem’ries that we once had
I’ve tried to hide my tears and learn to face my fears
Accept the truth you’re no longer here with me
Chorus
I’ve walked a thouisand miles to leave the pain
And pass the test of time, but again, the pain remain
Persistently again and again
Just liek the pouring rain
Oh… ho again and again
Persistent rain keeps coming back again
If I can turn back the hands of time
I’ll do my best and hold your tight
Every moment spent, I’ll cherish ’till the end
‘Coz you’re the only warmth that comforts me
Repeat Chrorus
And if our paths should cross again
Maybe then I’ll be a friend
But ddep inside I’d cry
Pretending I’m alright
Co’z I’m moving on
But still I’m holding on …
Repeat Chorus 2x



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KIM KARDASHIAN

~sure gonna watch Lovely Kim heat up the dance floor very soon!


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When should you pull the plug on a relationship?
By Conchita Razon
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 01:52:00 03/16/2008


MANILA, Philippines - The party’s over, it’s time to call it a day. They’ve burst your pretty balloon, and taken the moon away…”

You could stay in that moon-less party all alone and lonely, hoping to patch up the old balloon… or you could choose to dry up your tears and leave it all behind. What should you do? Go to another party? I don’t think so.

Getting over heartbreak is all about your attitude. You can choose life, or you can drown in self pity and wither away.

But how does one move on?

Moving on is a simple thing they say. What it leaves behind is hard.

Picking up the pieces is excruciating. Each little fragment of what used to be bears the indelible imprint of the touch, echoes of the voice, and shadows of the face and form of the one we lost.

Some learn to find comfort in their unbearable pain by hanging on. They play victim, martyr and saint with such gusto, convinced that holding on is a sign of strength. They don’t know that there is incredible strength and courage in letting go.

When should you pull the plug on a relationship? Aside from the usual reasons, one important cause would be discovering that your beloved is your priority, but you are merely an option. Do something before you are taken hostage by your emotions.

Some people choose to stay in a bad relationship because ending it would bring drastic change. It would mean leaping into the unknown. They fear being alone. They foresee more pain, even deeper than the agony they now suffer. And so they stay, for all the wrong reasons. They choose to live in the shadows to lick their wounds.

Some of us love to wallow. We cry fresh tears over stale stories. We tell anyone who cares to listen what happened, how it happened and why. Many times, we take the blame.

Many of us go to bereavement seminars. We gravitate toward support groups and this may help. But no one can do it for you. To stop smoking, you must really want to quit. In a breakup, you must really want to move on.

Talking and reading about it, and having lunch and dinner with other broken hearted people may help you focus. But you alone must take one baby step, and the second, and then another, keeping steady on your course.

It is amusing to watch how celebrities (here and abroad) think that walking into a media event on the arm of someone new indicates he or she has “moved on.” A new partner does not mean you are over the hump. A long list of potential lovers is like old scenery on an empty stage. It may do something for your public persona, but when the music stops blaring and the lights go out, reality kicks in. You are alone with your thoughts. You are helpless in your pain. Booze then? Drugs later? God forbid!

After your relationship has taken a dive, being alone for a period of time may just be your best choice. You need to hear yourself think. What does your heart say? You may discover that much of that time will be spent on your knees. A lot of prayer is involved.

Do not dwell on what if, or I should have, or I could have. Don’t knock yourself down. Did you give too much? Or too little? It does not matter anymore. Lessons are learned. Turn the page.

Whether your grief is caused by a death or divorce, or if someone walked out on you, or you packed your bags and left, loss is acutely painful, irreparable for some, inconsolable for all. So let that pain wash all over you and be done with it. Let the bitterness flow out of your system. It’s over. Finished. Face the facts and move on.

Personally, I believe moving on is nothing short of a miracle. It really happens. Suddenly after all the sighing and crying, you find your heart again. And it is whole. And it is beautiful.

Moving on means getting to a place in life where you can look back, remember and rejoice. There are no regrets.

By God’s grace, today I don’t cry because it’s over. I can smile because it happened.




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Nine words women use...

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.




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