'You are beautiful, but you are empty.

cigarette: 2
STATUS: hays..

"It's so beautiful at this hour. The sun is low, the shadows are long, the air is cold and clean. You won't be awake for another five hours, but I can't help feeling that we're sharing this clear and beautiful morning."
— Jonathan Safran Foer

cigarette: 2
STATUS: will be missing jethro

Dear Whoever YOU are..

Dear Whoever You Are,

I have stopped looking for you but I have never stopped holding on to the belief that I would find you. Or you would find me. Or maybe, we'd find each other without really looking. I may have stopped looking for you but I still believe you are out there.

I got tired, frustrated, a bit doubtful about myself. And I don't think that's the right feeling before I meet you. But I guess I had to go through all that--you know, for experience. So when I finally recognize you, I would be ready.

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You and I have not seen each other eye to eye, just yet.

I've thought about us for the longest time, though we might not have even met yet. But the thoughts are enough to sustain my belief that you will come and that I just need to live my life--the best way I could. You will drop in on my life unexpectedly and you will make me do things I've never done before. You will be a positive influence in my life--you will make me grow.

You will be around my height--a bit taller, perhaps, so I would reach to kiss you--just like in the movies. You don't have to be Piolo Pascual-gorgeous, but you will be good-looking in my eyes. Beauty, after all, is subjective. You will have sturdy chest, broad shoulders, narrow hips. I want to rest my head on your chest and feel safe while listening to your heart beat.

You dress appropriately. You know a thing or two about style. You look good with just a plain t-shirt. But you'll look even better when you dress up. You know not to let your tie rest below your belt buckle. You know to match shoes with your belt. You know which buttons need to be left unbuttoned when you wear your jacket. You know not to wear patterns over patterns. You look like you got out of bed and picked your wardrobe naturally--you are effortless.

You look healthy--you are healthy. You take care of your skin. You don't smoke. You drink occasionally, socially. But you are not vain.
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You would talk to me about politics, world news, sports and lifestyle. You won't bore me. You'd also talk to me about non sense things--how Kris Aquino's life is an open book, why people swarm to the MRT. We'd have a billion things to talk about and you'd make it really interesting.

You never lose the sense of wonder. You are curious. You are inquisitive.

You will not settle for an "Okay" when you ask me how my day went. You will probe. You will listen.

You are mature. You will deal with problems like a man. You will be comfortable telling me your problems and you'll want to discuss them with me. You will value my opinion, but you will not depend on them to make your decisions. You will be independent, you will be strong.

You will hold my hand while we're watching a movie. And you wouldn't mind holding it in public while we're walking. You will lace your fingers with mine and make me feel the connection I longed for. You will not be afraid to show your love, you will be proud to let people know that you love me.

You will be financially stable. You will have a job that allows you to sustain you with your basic needs and gives you enough to enjoy life. You will be financially responsible, you will not leech off or free ride with anyone--not even your relatives. You will be in a job that's mentally challenging--a job that encourages you to become a better employee. You will influence me to keep managing my finances well. Together, we'll plan for retirement.

You will be loyal. You will be truthful. You will keep your promises.
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We'd go to different places. We'll travel around the Philippines--white water rafting in CDO, visit caves in Sagada, go scuba diving in Anilao, try surfing in La Union, try the mangoes in Camiguin, admire the beauty of Amanpulo. We'll see the world, together--taste authentic Vietnamese Pho, scale the Great Wall of China, admire the beauty of Paris, climb Kota Kinabalu, live in New York. We'll go to different museums around the world.

We'd try different things because you and I believe in adventure and getting to know each other through them. We'd constantly surprise each other--we're committed to make things exciting for each other.

We'd go on dates and we'd make every single one memorable. We'd try out different restaurants every time, maybe go through the list in Manila's Best Kept Secrets. We'd take turns driving so we'd both feel how it is to hold each other's hand in the car. We'd take weekend trips to Tagaytay or to the beaches in Batangas. We'd have picnic at the Ateneo Football field. We'll do laps around the UP oval and we'll try to get isaw when we can.

We'd organize house parties--mixers with friends we cherish. We'd celebrate quirky holidays like Thanksgiving or our own brand of holidays. We'll create special events for each other, we'll think of our own holidays and we'll celebrate them. We'd take turns cooking for each other. We'd challenge each other like we're in Iron Chef.

We'll have awesome mind blowing sex--one that lasts for more than three hours. We'll make every moment count. We'll both be filled with passion for one another it would feel like we can't get enough.
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You will love me. And I will love you more.

See you soon,


cigarette:2
STATUS: it's been a long time..