after thoughts....

'Cristina, on the other hand, expected something very different out of love. She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion, and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would not have been able to say. She knew what she didn't want, however, and that was exactly what Vicky valued above all else.' ~ cristina and victoria Barcelona


just finished reading na Love in the time of Cholera parang commercial break from the Twilight series. Finally after 3 months I was able to complete na the 4 books of the Twilight saga. Hays ang gastos. But I know naman it's gonna be all worth it first few pages pa lang ng New moon sobrang exciting na. Funny, Ngayun ko lang na realized na almost all of the books na I've read and favorites usually has got something to do with waiting, second chances, letting go, memories of love after forever: emotional torture: lahat I can relate maybe dun ko na lang nalalabas lahat~ the things that I so long to say or questions that I so long to ask, the tears~ the tears they're always there. The sadness~ the immesurable sadness my heart feels. I would always think of him like some distant star; always so unreachable and never completely mine. I would always asked myself how much more I could take I can't even answer that maybe just maybe I want answers: did he really loved me? I don't know. I'm not too sure of so many things in my life na. Maybe from the start of the relationship alam ko na I never did deserved him hanggang ngayon thinking of him coming back alam ko na di ko na kakayanin mas lalo na sya naging unreachable with so many mistakes na ginawa ko so many lies; Ang layo na nmin mas lalo na ngayon. Why did you gave up on me.? I'm not sure if I'll ever be whole again. Feeling ko naman na most of the time napaka sensible ko always the practical person minsan nagagawa ko naman not to think of you but always, always at the back of my mind: Every little things I see you, I hear you, I memorized the scent of your skin. I miss your smile most of all. really really miss your smile. The way you laugh, the way you always never fail to amaze me, the way you walk the way you always support me and my endevours. I know late na lahat but still there are some things that I want you to know: I want you to know that I love you I never really stop. I miss you so much that it feels like my heart will burst: I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you; I'm so sorry if I took you for granted but I loved you the best way that I know how to love. I'm just so sorry that was not enough. I'm sorry it's just so embarrasing to be so poor plus all the things the other things na nangyari before I realized just now lahat ng ginagawa ko before para lumayo cause I kept on saying na I don't deserve you and I'll never will. Pero sobarang sakit sa akin nun but I have to do it so now alam mo na how I'd intentionally hurt you kung bakit ang sama sama ko. Hindi nman talaga tayo bagay sobrang nakakahiya sa family mo. So there. I said it; sobrang gulo kc nun under different circumstances sana di ko ginawa. I'm just so sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry if I can never be the person that you wanted me to be. And I love you~ today and always.
cigarette:0
STATUS: currently reading NEW MOON
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