The Top Ten Signs That You’re Not Getting Any by CHICO GARCIA

I know we often make fun of the idea, but I truly believe that behavior is GREATLY affected when a person is not getting “any”. You get more irritable, you get stirred up more easily, maybe because it’s one of the more basic of instincts, next to breathing and eating and drinking. It’s primal, so unless you’re an ascetic, who can transcend the different calls of nature, it’ll drive you nutso.

May 19, 2009 → The Top Ten Signs That You’re Not Getting Any – Sent in by: Specialist

No name – When one arm is way bigger than the other.

SPY Shadow – Kapag siya ay bugnutin at malinis ang pusod.

TReiz – If your flash drive won’t fit in any port.

Techie Canochie – If you tell the cigarette vendor: “Yosi nga, tsaka dalwang balls, este, HALLS!”

Boknoi – If during a pap smear you go: “Oh yeah, right there!”

Specialist – Kung pati yung mga tomboy sa kanto nauunahan ka sa chicks.

RC & Cess – Kapag exciting na ang storya ng telenovela na sinusundan ng misis mo.

Kid Bukid – My neighbor’s wife calls her husband, “Sheik Kaong” everytime he comes home from a long tenure in the Middle East.

Jonie – While filling up your biodata, when you get to: “SEX”, you write down on the blank: “PLEASE.

RVincent – If your “extra 15 minutes” in the shower is becoming a more regular occurrence.

Dru - From Will & Grace: If you keep a stock of D-size batteries and you forbid anyone to touch a specific box labeled “Tools”.

YñaKì/Maximo – If a gay guy gets angry at the deli guy for slicing the salami and says: “Ano akala mo sa kin, alkansiya?”

Boknoi – If you say stuff like: “Complete stranger…wala na kong paaantyyyyyyy!”

SPY Shadow – If during breakfast, you tend to caress your eggs first before you eat them.

YñaKì – If, during a Halloween party, you’re very happy in your witch costume…especially that broomstick between your legs!

Rehaz – Kung napapahalinghing ka kapag dumadaan sa humps yung sasakyan.

KID Bukid – Whenever you’re wearing skinny jeans, you put your cellphone in your pocket while it’s on vibra-mode.

Paul Ignatius – If it’s your birthday and whenever someone asks: “Magpapakain ka?” You always answer with a sigh: “How I wish…”

Jonathan – If you spray all your pillows with women’s perfume as you hug them.

“Boknoi – An old spinster called the police: “Hello, some strange men broke into my house and are currently having their lurid ways with me! Can you come over tomorrow morning to arrest them?”

STATUS: hehe