THE GOOD GUYS/Email received from lovely Issay

let this be a lesson for us women...
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The good guysSource: The Manila TimesBy: Mark J. Macapagal

I've received a lot of e-mails where people mention that I do not think inthe manner typical for most men. They comment that I'm sensitive topeople's feelings, observant, communicative, determined, caring, etc.Whileit's true I do believe I possess these qualities to some degree, what Ifind odd is that I find quite a number of women say that it's rare. ThatI'm supposed to be some sort of oddball male, totally unlike the cads andjerks that they've been dating all their lives. Thing is, I'm pretty sureI'm not rare at all. I just think that people have this tendency to lookinthe wrong places.

A group of women that I worked with at my old computer company were havinglunch one day and I sat down with them, just in time to catch the middleofa tirade against my gender. My co-workers went on and on about how menjustwanted "one thing," never treated them right, and that there were no goodhusbands to be had anymore. No one who would be faithful, loving and agoodprovider, basically, was what I caught from their conversation.Eventually,they naturally focused on me, the male at the table, and were waiting formy input so that they could refute it and continue moaning about thedecline of eligible bachelors. I finished my sandwich and then said, "No,there are plenty of good guys. Like Doug, for instance..." "Doug?"one woman questioned. "That quiet, bookish fellow in database? He's soboring." At this point, I interjected, "Yeah, he might be, I don't know.But the thing is, you're all wailing about finding good men and you'relooking for them in bars, parties, discos, wherever. Hasn't it occurred toyou that any of the guys you meet in these settings are probably not themarrying kind?"

The table was quiet so I continued, "You see, if you want the stable,faithful, consistent men, you have to look at the accountants, thebookkeepers, these men. I think it stands to reason that it's the men wholead quiet, comfortable lives are the ones who would make the bestpartners. Since you're looking for good conversation, I would think theguys who spend their time reading books instead of drinking beer andplaying cards would be the better bet. Family values your thing? Then Isuppose the guy who's active in his parish would be the ticket for that.""But that's kind of boring, I don't want that," another woman said. "Well,that is right," I answered. "But there you go again. If you're attractedtothe power broker who drives a Porsche and picks up women every night, whatmakes you think that this man will be sensitive and caring to your needs?You like the guy who takes you to all the hot spots in town? Haven't youthought that for him to know all the hot spots, he's probably been goingtoall of them already with women other than yourselves?" "See, the excitingguys, the `bad boys'?" I said. "Yeah, make no mistake, they are a hell ofalot more fun than going out with the geeks. But you are running the highrisk of falling for someone that's not going to treat you as well as you'dlike. So you go for the `bad boys' and you keep this silly little notioninyour head that they're going to change because of you when really, they'renot going to. And when your relationship comes to its inevitable, bloodyend, you call the guy was a jerk and a cheat but, if you think about it,hewas already that when you met him. So what's the big surprise then?"

The table was pretty silent after that. I guess they were expecting me tobeeasy pickings, or to simply concede to their girl power affirmationsession. In the end, I think they did realize the truth in what I said.Later, one would tell me that her past relationships were littered withmusicians, artists, race car mechanics, etc, and not one "smart pick" inthe bunch, was how she put it. I suppose I'm just saying that if you keepto alemon grove, you're going to keep picking lemons. That if all the men inyour circle are of a certain type (that you don't like), then it's time toexpand your circles. Because I think you'll see, there's a lot out thereonce you make it out of your comfort zone and start looking at those youmight never have looked at before.